What sort of discipline for teenage son works?

We have a 14 yr old son who is wearing me out completely. He fights everything: doing his routine(does whatever he feels like doing that day), chores(tries to negotitate them, has to be reminded, then does it half a*sed), getting to his homework (avoids, then does a half a*sed job, have to sit on him to get grades), practicing his instrument (I've been playing for years, I don't need to practice!), doing anything he is told. Example: I want to see that test from your teacher tom. Him the next day: I left it in my locker/forgot it/it's soemwhere in my room etc. Everything he is asked to do, he will try and negotiate out of it. He talks back CONSTANTLY, the only time he hears anything is when he's eavesdropping--and this happens CONSTANTLY. I know this sounds tedious, but living it is even worse. I have tried reward systems, cleaning out his room and giving it back one at a time, therapy, etc. My husband wants to spank him, I don't beleive in spanking and never have spanked.What sort of discipline for teenage son works?
Try letting him suffer his own consequences. And I mean it! It works! I stopped telling my 14 year old to ';do his homework';...clean his room...etc...and I even stopped washing his laundry and when he found out I wasn't going to be responsible for his actions...whew did he throw a fit!...then it was all my fault. What I merely did, was make him accountable for his own actions. When he had to serve detention for not turning in homework, the homework got done. When he didn't have any room to bring his friends to..because it was dirty, he didn't have friends over...then when he ran out of clothes to wear...well he wore sweat pants to school......so thus, he straightened up...just by making him responsible for his stuff..worked. Also, it's a phase they all go through it, but that sometimes doesn't make you feel better when that is said...good luck...you'll see a big difference by not ';telling him what to do';....What sort of discipline for teenage son works?
I have the very same situation with my 14 year old son and I have the solution. You already know the solution but don't want to do it, so you're not going to like my answer. I agree, it is a difficult thing to do, but it is your responsibility as a parent to enforce discipline. My son was not doing his homework and receiving failing grades, although he was getting A's on his tests. After many failed attempts at the reward system, the denial of rights system, grounding, standing guard while he did his homework, right up to following him around school for a day, I finally spanked him and it was a whole new world. He had failed to submit 35 assignments over the course of the marking period, so I informed him he was getting 35 swats with a paddle. He could choose how many he got each night, but he was getting them all before it was over. He now knows that there will be a consequence that matters to him if he falls back into his apathetic pattern. The spanking routine has been expanded to cover curfews, chores, and manners. It may be uncomfortable to administer (and to receive I'm sure), but it is a clear and immediate consequence he knows he must pay if he considers disobeying me. To your benefit, it also takes much less time and energy to deal out than the 'systems' (which did not work with my son, or yours so it seems) with the plus of being extremely effective. Be assured my son and I have a great relationship - spanking your children will not turn them against you as long as you are reasonable and the policies are clearly outlined. You must be firm, fair, and consistent or he will continue to walk all over you, which is what he is doing now. He doesn't take you seriously. Your husband is right about this one. Give him some credit for knowing how to raise a son.
I'm 17 and my parents are my bestfriends because ever since i was little, they didn't spare the rod, it's even biblical. Don't get nto what your son wants, you should be the one being obeyed always. teach him by giving a lesson that he will never forget and learn from it.
welcome to the world of human development.


if you push too hard with a teenager it will not be good.


they are capable of jumping off a roof just to prove a point.


pull a 180 on him . give him un conditional love,ask him for


advice. safely en power him........Monte RN
Give it back to him.


Seriously. Serve him a half-aced dinner but everyone else gets the full fare. Shrug and say ';I dunno... where's yer test?';


Do you do his laundry? Stop. Say ';ummmm, I forgot???';





Ditto with picking up from school/taking to mall, etc.


And if you see him eavesdropping, immediatly stop making sounds but continue to mouth the words like they do in the soap operas in the background--you are having a conversation but no words come out.


I know, it's juvenile and petty but sometimes you have to stoop to his level. He's controlling you and your family with his bad behavior, so he needs to see how it is turned back on him.





My mom put the garbage my brother ';forgot'; to take out on his bed. Didnt dump it out or anything, she just put the tied-up plastic bag there instead of his pillow. And he said ';how did this get here'; and she gave him a dumb look and imitated his ';I dunno?';
take away the computers
Wow, it sounds as though you have a typical teenager. My son was the same way. It is very frustrating, to say the least. You are right, spanking would not be a good idea. He would be humiliated and would rebel even more. You and your husband have to sit down and write out what you expect your son to do and the consequences for not doing them, and then stick by your rules. It might be a good idea to include your son in this conference, if he would sit down with you. My son was exactly as you described from Middle School through High School. Then he joined the Navy and returned as a man who wanted to go to college, which he did. So don't give up on your son. I think such rebellious teenagers actually want more structure and rules, even though they rebel against them. I think that is why my son joined the military, because he had no self-discipline and needed someone else to give him that discipline. Is there something happening in your family that is upsetting to your son? If so, some counseling for him might help, but be sure to find a counselor that your son feels comfortable with. He needs someone to talk to about his feelings, and he won't discuss such things with his parents. Also, be sure that he isn't experimenting with drugs. Sometimes kids begin to act as your son is behaving when they are trying drugs. Good luck. These are hard years, but things will improve if you and your husband become a united front and continue to show your son that you care for him and love him very much.
Take away his GBA, Play Station, Xbox, PSP and his PC access. Remind him thatyou are the boss of this house. That is education and respect for himself, family and his home are his first priorities, and until he can start acting like a responsible member of your household, he will not see these items again. When he complains and throws a fit, remind him that these items are priviledges not rights. That should get him flying right for a while. As far as tests and test results, make an appointment to meet his guidance counselor, you can make arrangements where all test results are sent to you (or picked up by you). You need to get this under control and QUICKLY. If all else fails, forget the spanking, give him one swift kick in the a*s.
If your son's dad hits him, the dad will be hit by the son just as soon as he is bigger than his dad.





You need to become a faithful watcher of Dr. Phil and read his books.





I diagnose your son as having ';Teen Brain';. I went to a seminar on this at the high school last month. Do some research on teenage brain development. The frontal lobe centre for reason does not complete development until about 25!. So don't ask him to be reasonable, logical, sensible, consistent or any of those things. He can't be. And let him sleep in late on the weekends. The brain needs that time to develop.





Each day is like Groundhog Day (the movie). Each day you have to try to teach him the things that he is not capable of doing by himself, the same thing you taught him yesterday.





The leader of this seminar equated teen years with the terrible twos and explained why those ages are most similar. The talking back thing is symptomatic of the age in which we live and causes me great concern (my 16-year old girl who is pretty darn good all-in-all). My father lived in Victorian times, so I was brought up to be well-mannered and am appalled at the way most kids ignore adults. It is not just your son.





You have to be consistent. You pay for internet service. Taking that and TV away are the most painful ';imposed consequences'; to my teen. Natural and almost natural consequences work in some cases (i..e. you didn't wash the car, so it is too dirty for you to drive anywhere).





Good luck (oh, and join at parent support group or chat online)...to all parents of teens. We need it!
DONT spank your 14 YEAR old son! That is humiliating to him. You want to encourage him to be a man, not a 2 yr old. Make him think that him showing you grades is HIS idea. Give him choices of chores to do. Tell him he HAS to do chores, and then give him some to choose from. That way he will feel like he chose to do it, and not like hes being forced to. And when hes old enough (at age 15 perhaps depending on where you live) MAKE him get a job!!!
Wow...this is hard...so many other good answers. I especially, agree with the making him responsible for his actions such as the doing his own laundry, cooking his own meals, suffering the consequences of bad grades (like having to attend summer school), the swatting # = # of missing assignments is good too but starting at 14 years old when you have never done it before might work...might not....





talk to his teacher about starting consequences at school. Like giving detentions for not turing back the test and then having him find a way home (i.e walking)





good luck...i am not looking forward to the teenage years!!
Spanking a 14 year old sounds a bit strange...As my 13 year old is 5'3'; and 157 pounds...I think that would look very strange!...lol...


I would say you should remove EVERYTHING he enjoys!...Friends, TV, computer, video games, ALL privileges....He can get them back VERY SLOWLY....Since you have already taken things away and given them back...I would say you have given them back too soon...So simply take them back!...You ARE the parent and he IS the child and YOUR rules still rule!..When he is paying his own rent in his own house he can choose to not do anything, clean anything and not do well at work!..My feeling on that is he will decide life does not work that way!...Consistency is key with this age and you can do it!!...Hang in there....I hear they start to like us again around age 25!!...lol...Try to remember MOST of us have the SAME problems!..
What you got here is a failure to communicate.





Role modeling is a big factor.


Consistency is a major factor.


Consequences applied in a calm, but non-negotiable manner.


Consistency. I know that I said it before.


Withdrawal of priviledges; start small.


Communication: a clear concise message of rules of decency and reasonable, but not wussy expectations.


Lay down the law and stick to it.


You don't need to spank.





A son that behaves like that is a symptom.


Normal intellectually and emotionally healthy teens don't act as you describe. They do challenge the status quo with questions about why; differenct than in your face rebellion. What you are describing is a child that hasn't developed a respect for his parents authority. Look inward and ask why. Have you failed to provide limits and guidance and now you're wondering what went wrong? Are you and your husband disrespectful to each other? He's been watching you for 14 years! Somewhere along the line you and your husband have failed to demonstrate respect and authority.





Don't go nuts, but start small and be consistent.
Depending on where you live a trip out to the woodshed or the barn with Pa for a good old fashioned talking to might help a lot.